An Open Letter to Red Sox Nation:

This weekend the Red Sox got swept by the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in what must have been a tragic, tragic, heartbreaking loss for the Nation; a loss reminiscent of the pre-2004 days. Aaron "Fucking" Boone, Bill "Fucking" Buckner, Bucky "Fucking" Dent; now you can add Vladimir "Fucking" Guerrero to the list of players that have had the distinction of sticking a proverbial knife into the collective heart of Red Sox Nation.

I'm a Yankees fan, so I should take incalculable amounts of pleasure in the Red Sox regressing back to their cursed ways. But I gotta tell ya... I'm not. I'm really not. For starters, I'm not a Yankees lifer. Actually I only started rooting for them after I moved to New York in 2003. Unfortunately, that year also coincides with the end of the road for the great Yankees' run of championship caliber teams that started in 1995. So I know all about October disappointment. 2004 alone was probably the bleakest moment in Yankees' history and I was right there, just one year into my fanhood, to experience every excruciating moment of ALCS Games 4, 5, 6, and 7. The Sox went on to the win the World Series that year and again in 2007, as the Yankees, year in and year out, got progressively more inept and dysfunctional in the Post Season.

So, I get it Sox Fans. And I wanna speak to you directly here, mano a-masses: I'm not here to gloat or shove it in your face. I'm not that guy. I'd like to rise above it all and say I am sorry it didn't work out for you this year. Despite the fact that I think the majority of you let 2004 and 2007 go to your head. Despite the fact that most of you still insist on hypocritically chanting "You took steroids" when A-Rod's up to bat, when your team actually won two World Series titles with a couple of roid freaks in the middle of your line up. Despite the fact that you have several premiere players who get away with ugly moments that no Yankees player would ever be able to get away with (see: Kevin Youkilis throwing his helmet at an opposing player, and Dustin Pedroia throwing the Fenway grounds crew under the bus after the Sox Game 3 loss to the Angels).

Despite all of this... I'd still like to congratulate you and your team on a winning season and I send my sincere hopes for a bounce back 2010 for the Sox. From the Bucket to The Red Sox Nation at large, we tip our navy cap to the following Red Sox of 2009:

Jacoby Ellsbury: